Bathhouses are maligned by many both within and outside the gay community. With the realities of HIV/AIDS and STIs there are many legitimate concerns people should have about bathhouses. Their chief purpose, after all, is to serve as a semi-private venue for gay male sex, often anonymous sex. The concerns are obvious.
What I've never heard of in the arguments against bathhouses are the purposes for their existence. Bathhouses serve many different functions for different people. Some patrons go to seek anonymous sex, some for the atmosphere, others with their partner's, and some people actually use them as cheap accommodation when travelling. The main concern is with sex. Bathhouses provide the perfect venue for closeted, married, or shy men to fulfill their sexual desires or express and enjoy their sexuality.
To deduce, the problem is then not with the bathhouse but with the closed minded, ignorant, homophobic asses in the greater public. If society were accepting and encouraging of diversity and sexual expression the need for bathhouses would be far less than it is now. Gay/bi men married to women would no longer have to live their lives in the closet in fear of any consequences they feel may occur should anyone find out--they wouldn't need to cheat on their wives with men.
Bi men married to women should have every right to have sex with men too. Why? Because their wives should be accepting of their sexual orientation. And gay men married to women should feel safe enough to be themselves and pursue a relationship with the gender and sex of their greatest liking. However, I'm sure most gay/bi men married to women aren't open about their sexual attractions to men with their wives for various reasons (fear of divorce, job loss/issues, image, cultural expectations, etc.). These women wouldn't need to worry so much about their husband's health if they accepted their lust for cock and allowed them to openly have safer male sexual relations.
So, to those who hate bathhouses: it's probably your own damn fault they exist.
P.S. -- I'm an openly gay man in a wonderful relationship (coming up on two years!)... and I've been to a bathhouse with my partner. It was fun. Not ALL people who go to bathhouses are seeking a secret sexual outlet.
I pretty much agree with you on this one. I'd like to think that bathhouses are no longer necessary because, hey, people should be able to be open about the sexuality. But, unfortunately, we're not quite there yet. Plus, on the other side of the coin, some people just like the bathhouse atmosphere. They don't want to go to a club or meet people in some other way, they just want to go to a bathhouse, which is their choice.
ReplyDeleteSo, yep, I have to agree with you on most of your points here.
The one where I sort of disagree is this one:
"Bi men married to women should have every right to have sex with men too. Why? Because their wives should be accepting of their sexual orientation."
The only reason I disagree is because if you're married, you've probably agreed to be monogamous, in which case, suck it up and live up to your commitment or get a divorce. Of course, if you're in an open relationship and you've communicated with your partner about this and all that good stuff, then go for it!
I think it's so interesting the need for something like this for gay men. What about women? Why is it so much more accepted for a woman to be gay or bi? I have a very loving and understanding husband that has told me the he is perfectly ok if I seek a sexual relation with another woman because he knows that he can fulfill that role. But mine is not the only or even rare case. It's a turn on for straight men to even know that their girlfriend or wife is/has gotten it on with another woman. If a man told his wife that he was bisexual or in any ways shape or form interested in sexual relations with a man, she would fall to pieces that she's not good enough for him.
ReplyDeleteIt's certainly an interesting world we live in, to say the least.
I totally agree, Zimmette. I often wonder why women don't have their own bathhouse. Maybe it comes back to the victorian ideal (which is still present today) that women aren't supposed to be promiscuous whereas its more socially acceptable for a man (gay or not I guess?) to sleep around. Just an idea
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