The Gender Regime

Gender is performative. Gender is fluid.  Gender does not dictate neither sex nor sexuality.

I identify as a gay man.  This doesn’t necessarily mean I have male genitalia as being a man is something one performs.  To be a man one dresses a certain way, talks a certain way, and attempts to look a certain way—the same applies to people displaying womanness.  Yes, sure, most people who identify as man or woman have either a penis or vagina, respectively; we’re raised in a very gendered world which dictates we must perform in accordance to what bits and bobbles are in our pants.  

On some forms which ask “gender” or “sex” followed by a blank space to answer I write “queer” or something non-normative.  I think it makes whoever reads it go “WTF!” or at least put some thought into it.  Its about time everyone starts putting up SOME resistance to this horrible gender regime.  No, not everyone needs to be a transvestite, transsexual, or queer.  Rather we ought to be our true selves.  Men who are emotional should show it and not be ashamed.  Women who like working on vehicles or off-roading should partake in those activities.  Men who prefer pink over black shouldn’t be ostracized or ridiculed.  Women who wear pants and short hair also shouldn’t be ostracized or ridiculed. 

The gender regime, from birth, lays out a behavioral roadmap for our entire lives.  The baby pops out, the doctor looks for a penis or vagina and declares it to be a boy or girl.  The first question asked to new parents is “is it a boy or a girl?”  Then the appropriate colors are selected for the new born’s gifts, bedding, and clothes.  You see where I’m going with this.  The regime places us in specific role expectations which dictate everything from who one loves, where one works, what one likes, to how one dresses and so on.  It attempts to provide our identity for us.  Should we not accept or veer off our predetermined path we face embarrassment, ostracism, cruelty, and ignorance.  

Trans identified folks, gays, lesbians, queers, and those who are androgynous aren’t the only ones who face the negative consequences of resistance, we all do.  Straight, hegemonically masculine men sometimes negate their desires or deny themselves to be who they are.  I have a friend who is a pretty straight “acting” guy yet he is an openly emotional person to those he’s close to.  Kudos to him.  However, around other people he chooses not to display this aspect of his personality and for obvious reasons—he wants to face little difficulty in his day-to-day interactions. 

Everyone has to negotiate the gender regime.  Should we chose to be ourselves it offers us a sort of self-fulfillment and comfort yet there are many people who will blatantly bring it to the public’s attention on the street when we don't conform.  Being ourselves, through disregarding the regime, isn’t a walk in the park.  Somehow, someway, someday we need to move beyond this disabling gender binary for the wellbeing, happiness, and freedom of all humanity.  

What do you think?  Would you display gendered characteristics or activities which are incongruent with your perceived sex and sexuality if its what you truly want to do despite the possibility of facing ridicule?  Are you limited or held back by your side of the binary?

One day our descendants will think it incredible that we paid so much attention to things like the amount of melanin in our skin or the shape of our eyes or our gender instead of the unique identities of each of us as complex human beings.

in Gloria Steinem, Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions, 1983