Just when everything is going so well...

"I am what I am
I am my own special creation
So come take a look
Give me the hook
Or the ovation
It's my world
That I want to have a little pride
My world
And it's not a place I have to hide in
Life's not worth a dam
Till I can say
I am what I am" – Gloria Gaynor

Today I was speaking with my mom on the phone... things we're going well with the usual chat about weather, work, and school. But, my mom started talking about how "great" I am because her friends we're over, just to stroke her motherly-ego, or whatever. She is very proud of me, in all the wrong ways.

The conversation quickly escalated as she put me on her pedestal for her company. She started speaking of me having girlfriends. I WAS PISSED. She has known I'm gay for almost two years. I said to her she knows I'm gay, can stop living in her fantasy world, and I won't hide it from anyone. This was pretty much the end of the conversation, she said to call her tomorrow if I have a minute, I can tell she knew I was upset.

We've had discussions about me being gay before, they usually go fairly well. I've went over how its not a choice, it can be a burden dealing with the incessant barrage of homophobia that is ever present in conservative Alberta, and how I am really not that different from my brothers, her, or my dad. I would say she's more affirmative than accepting and proud. Obviously if she's portraying me as straight to her friends then she isn't proud of ALL of me, just the school bit. I love my parents, but I'm beginning to wonder if their love for me is unconditional.