Vancouver's Suburbia: It's kinda gay after all

After some unfortunate happenings in December 2011 with our rental condo in the suburbs of Vancouver we we're forced to move back to it that month.  Just to clarify, it's not in Surrey or anywhere further than that.  After settling in, again, I'm liking the area and community.  I really don't miss the 24/7 noise and activity of living downtown, although the view we had was beautiful.  The suburbs offers a different pace of life.  More relaxed, community feel, more accessible to nature, and most importantly it's closer to most of our friends.  I still work downtown so I get to frequent my favourite restaurants and stores quite often; it's really the best of both worlds.

Nifty.  This new Blogger makes it easy to place photos
within the text.  :). Yay new trick!

What's most pleasantly surprising is just how gay the 'burbs are.  I mean there aren't any rainbow flags, pink garbage cans and pink bus stops, or billboards with a guy's face in another guy's jockstrap clad crotch.  But it's pretty accepting and open out here.  A couple months after we moved in someone purchased a unit down the hall, moving in shortly after.  Turns out he's gay.  And pretty awesome. He contacted us on Growlr and we've been getting to know each other more and more.  

Aside from the new gay neighbour I do see the odd gay couple and notice quite a few homos on Growlr, Grindr, and Scruff within reasonable proximity.  Of course the Starbucks (ALL of the Starbucks) have at least two homos at each location--let's not forget that their logo is a drag queen. And, we do see the odd rainbow sticker and hand-holding gay couple.  Comparatively, there's as much homophobia in the burbs, at least where we live, as there is downtown.  However, there's far fewer drunken apes causing shit (e.g. riots). 

A part of me sometimes longs for the beach on out our back door and the seawall within a stones throw.  But aside from that... I'm quite happy.  Living here is obviously much cheaper too. 

VIVE LA GAY! <3

HIV stigma and safer sex

Through my experience online with gay dating and sex sites I've noticed that people often specify "safer sex only" and also specify that their partner should be HIV negative.  Yes, on the surface this can make some logical sense--you're both supposedly negative and using a condom so you'll hopefully stay negative. But, what's the purpose of the condom?  If you're going to use one (properly) either way it shouldn't actually matter what anyone's status is.

What does come into play though is stigma.  Stigma towards HIV. People are scared shitless of it. It's still seen as a death sentence by many and infection rates are still on the rise in many areas.  But being scared of HIV is not going to solve the problem.  Remember the SILENCE = DEATH message HIV/AIDS activists were screaming from the rooftops in the 80s?  Well that still applies but so does STIGMA or FEAR = DEATH. We're not going to get much further ahead if we're still making HIV positive people feel less-than, othered, different, diseased, or deadly.  In fact, I would go as far to liken this stigma with bullying which, as we've seen more so in recent years, can lead to suicide.

So, FYI, when a condom is going to be used the guy's cum who's fucking will not enter the other guy's ass, therefore no potential HIV virus will either.  Condoms are 99.9% effective against HIV infection.  The only reason they're not 100% effective is because people use them improperly sometimes--not enough lube, too much lube, old condoms, two condoms, improper wearing of it, etc. You can also check the condom half way through to be sure.

For more information on HIV/AIDS, STIs, and other sexual health topics please consult a professional and/or see these websites:

• Health Initiative for Men (HIM -- Vancouver, BC)
• Options for Sexual Health (British Columbia)
• Planned Parenthood (United States)

Hockey idiocy

^^ hot

Now that we're living in downtown Vancouver I've become more involved in the playoffs--albeit not by choice, but by proximity. As a result I've been experiencing first hand some of the goings-on before, during, and after the games.  Here are some of my observations and opinions.

Tonight, as I write this post during the last period of game 7, there are over one hundred thousand people cheering on the Canucks downtown.  So many people become completely enveloped in hockey.  Totally obsessed.  I've heard of people losing sleep, resorting to alcohol to ease the pain of a loss, fights breaking out after a loss, fireworks being set off, hooligans blasting horns and whatnot til all hours of the night and so on.  There are definitely some passionate fans.

My concern is the mayhem that will ensue should the Canucks lose this game.  All these people, many of which have been consuming alcohol, will be pissed off.  The last time the Canucks got to the Stanley Cup finals and blew it there were riots resulting in property damage and injuries.  I heard someone say the damage was over a million dollars.  What troubles me is not the actual damage (insurance!) but rather what fuels people to become so enveloped, passionate, and angry over a game.

The amount of energy, resources, passion, and determination put into hockey is absolutely huge.  Some people, it seems, live their lives for the playoffs and will do anything to support their team.  They'll also riot if they lose.  As a friend put it recently, if only people put this much energy into things like homelessness and human rights the world would be a much better place.  I couldn't agree more.  People will spend thousands going to games, hundreds on jerseys and signs and whatnot, and spend so much time devoted to hockey.  It makes absolutely no sense to me.  It's just a game. Life goes on.  There's much more in life that's more important than hockey.

Something else I've been thinking about is how the media are emphasizing the huge crowds breaking the one hundred thousand mark downtown.  Wow.  Yes, that is a lot of people cheering and freaking out.  But, really.  Have you all forgotten about Vancouver's single biggest event all year every year (not just once ever 14 years of whatever)?  Pride.  Pride draws crowds upwards of 650, 000 people annually.  It's HUGE.  People get drunk, have fun, break no windows, and cause no fights.  This really says a lot about hockey and its fans.

These hundred thousand plus fans who are, as I write, in the streets watching the Canucks fail miserably are going to be pissed off.  I'm not sure if they will riot this time.  I'm not sure exactly how many people will be hurt or hospitalized due to alcohol poisoning.  What I am sure of is that it will not be a quiet night downtown.  There will be too much noise, illegal use of fireworks, illegal public consumption of alcohol, at least a few fights, and issues with the police.  Nothing of a sort happens with Pride.  This is why I find hockey and most of its fans absolutely repulsive.  It does nothing positive for any community, it causes personal and property damage, is capitalistic, has lost any true essence of sport, and is all about money.  Disgusting.

On a side note... if they played hockey naked I might be more inclined to watch it more often.

Bullying: Casey Haynes, Richard Gale and my story

Casey Haynes, an Australian boy, stood up to bully Richard Gale who repeatedly teased him for being fat and, as you'll see in the interview, began to physically attack Casey.  Casey had enough and fought back to defend himself.  Richard responded to Casey's interview in his own, seen here.

Why did Casey have to defend himself like this? His school, teachers, community, and other public institutions failed him.  Youth everywhere face bullying both in and outside of school.  Bullying is often thought of as a school problem which results in some campaigns within educational systems to raise awareness of it.  Yes, in some instances some schools might help the situation; however, in too many schools, parks, busses, trains, rec centres, back yards, and alleys bullying is ignored.

Only recently have anti-bullying campaigns began to reach beyond the confines of schools.  In the last couple years here in Canada has Pink Shirt Day become widely supported.  The idea is that everyone who is against bullying wears pink on one day.  Yes, this is great and it raises awareness.  The problem: almost everyone is aware of bullying and knows it should stop.  The very very few who might be in denial or not completely understand the situation are ignorant idiots.

What needs to happen, it would seem, are incidents where bullying goes viral and people become enraged to the point of mass public outcries of support.  This troubles me.  This means that millions, if not billions, of youth are still being bullied, bullying, battling depression, dropping out of school, feeling like shit, and/or committing suicide.  I was a victim of bullying growing up.  I know how it feels.

To quote a friend in reference to Casey's standing up for himself, "I'm a fat man who was a fat kid bullied in school."  It's hard.  Being called every horrible hurtful name imaginable.  Not being welcomed to any events, tables, groups, or anything.  Feeling like you shouldn't even be in school.  At times feeling like you shouldn't even be alive.  Having your stuff stolen, being pushed into lockers, having your car vandalized.   All these things really took a toll on me emotionally.  Of course, I wasn't just bullied for being fat, I was bullied for being gay.  I didn't even attend my high school graduation ceremony because of it.

What could have been done to help me?  Support.  Support so that I felt comfortable getting help to stop the bullying--help that would actually help.  Teachers, adults, and people in the community who cared would have helped.  It felt as though no one cared and that the bullies had all the protections.  Every time I stood up for myself I was punished.  Every time I complained to a teacher about a bully the bully only got a talking to.  I got suspended for standing up for myself.

Elected officials in all levels of government need to respond.  The federal government needs to support community programs for public safety both within and outside schools with a focus on the highly vulnerable such as the elderly, youth, women, and disabled.  Provincial legislators need to implement educational system reforms which include strict, effective guides for punishing repeat bullies and teaches diversity.  Civic governments needs to ensure their community centres, schools, police, business, and citizens will all support the equitable treatment of all.  The most significant change will come when each and every individual does their own part to stop bullying.

Bill C-389--Transgender and Transsexual Rights

Wow.  What a week in politics here in Canada.

Bill C-389, a private member's bill tabled by Bill Siksay (NDP, Burnaby/Douglas), seeks to include the rights of transgendered and transsexuals in the Canadian Human Rights Act.  It has passed through the Commons with much support from the Liberals, NDP, and Bloc and almost complete non-support from the minority Conservatives.   The next struggle is to have this bill pass the Senate.  Here's what needs to happen:

1) Harper needs to not meddle in democracy and human rights
2) YOU need to write your MP in support of the Bill (especially if they voted in favour for it, if not wring them out!) and also write a couple MP's who have supported the bill and ask for them to support it through the Senate
3) Express to Harper that human rights are a non-partisan issue (James Moore (Conservative MP, PC) voted in FAVOUR of the bill!)
4) Write Senators!  Write! ASAP!  The bill has passed the first reading in the Senate yesterday and is set for its second reading on Monday and third VERY shortly thereafter which is when  its most likely to be killed.   Here is a list of Senators and their contact info.

I've sent a letter to James Moore (my MP) in thanks and support of his vote to pass the bill in the Commons and urging him to express to Harper that human rights are a non-partisan issue, see it below and feel free to send it yourself (with your contact info, of course :) ).


---

James Moore, PC MP 

House of Commons 

Ottawa, ON 

K1A 0A6

Re: Bill C-389, an addition to the Canadian Human Rights Act

Your Name

Your Adress

Your City

Your Postal Code

Dear Mr. Moore,

Iʼm writing to express my thanks and support for your vote in favor of Bill C-389 for the inclusion transgender and transsexual rights to the Canadian Human Rights Act.

My concern is with the billʼs progression to the Senate. The Conservative dominated Senate has a history of quashing bills presented to it which run contrary to the Conservative Party of Canadaʼs ideology. Your vote for the bill in the Commons shows that human rights should be considered a non-partisan issue and that you acknowledge such.

We sexual minorities need your support and assistance. Please urge the Prime Minister to allow this bill to pass through the Senate. Many transgender and transsexual people face a barrage of discrimination in the workplace, home, school, and many other institutions. Please stress to Mr. Harper that human rights are a non- partisan issue and that he should not meddle with the Senate regarding this issue.

Mr. Harperʼs history of having bills quashed in the Senate are an affront to democracy. Should this bill not pass the senate this could very well be the beginning of a slippery slope seeing the degradation and deterioration of our human rights.

Sincerely,

Your Name 

--- 

Feel free to use this letter as a template to send to your MP and/or Senator--just make sure its relevant to him or her.  I will be writing a letter to all Senators sometime today and sending it addressed to each one individually via email (TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE!).


<3

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world.  Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."

~ Margaret Mead

Bathhouses

Bathhouses are maligned by many both within and outside the gay community.  With the realities of HIV/AIDS and STIs there are many legitimate concerns people should have about bathhouses.  Their chief purpose, after all, is to serve as a semi-private venue for gay male sex, often anonymous sex. The concerns are obvious.

What I've never heard of in the arguments against bathhouses are the purposes for their existence.  Bathhouses serve many different functions for different people.  Some patrons go to seek anonymous sex, some for the atmosphere, others with their partner's, and some people actually use them as cheap accommodation when travelling.  The main concern is with sex.  Bathhouses provide the perfect venue for closeted, married, or shy men to fulfill their sexual desires or express and enjoy their sexuality.

To deduce, the problem is then not with the bathhouse but with the closed minded, ignorant, homophobic asses in the greater public. If society were accepting and encouraging of diversity and sexual expression the need for bathhouses would be far less than it is now. Gay/bi men married to women would no longer have to live their lives in the closet in fear of any consequences they feel may occur should anyone find out--they wouldn't need to cheat on their wives with men.

Bi men married to women should have every right to have sex with men too.  Why?  Because their wives should be accepting of their sexual orientation.  And gay men married to women should feel safe enough to be themselves and pursue a relationship with the gender and sex of their greatest liking. However, I'm sure most gay/bi men married to women aren't open about their sexual attractions to men with their wives for various reasons (fear of divorce, job loss/issues, image, cultural expectations, etc.).  These women wouldn't need to worry so much about their husband's health if they accepted their lust for cock and allowed them to openly have safer male sexual relations.

So, to those who hate bathhouses: it's probably your own damn fault they exist.



P.S. -- I'm an openly gay man in a wonderful relationship (coming up on two years!)... and I've been to a bathhouse with my partner.  It was fun.  Not ALL people who go to bathhouses are seeking a secret sexual outlet.

Speaking Out Against Homophobia

About a week or so ago my partner and I were swimming at our local community pool.  We were enjoying each others' company in what one of my best friend's would call a "disgustingly cute" way when a lifeguard approached us asking us not to kiss.  He said he received complaints of us kissing so we must stop immediately.  I pointed out to him that there were other couples (straight couples) also engaging in the same activity who were not approached by neither him nor any other lifeguard.   He just stated that we have to quit kissing and walked away. 


I was left under the impression that the lifeguard was not only an agent of homophobia but quite possibly homophobic as well.   He would not discuss the matter and restated that we're not allowed to kiss. 


The next morning I wrote a well penned letter to the manager of the facility and CC'd it to the mayor and council.  Within twelve minutes I received a reply from a concerned councillor, who it turned out also has a gay son.  She took up the issue and met with the pool management and ensured I received a letter in reply.  Both myself and the councillor found the reply to be sterile and bureaucratic-sounding while not addressing the nature of the incident.  


Today I met with this councillor over coffee where she discussed what the outcome is and how my writing this letter will affect future policy and decision making.  She stressed that me voicing our experience and displeasure to management and council has started a dialogue on diversity and inclusion.  


Most the time when I write letters I do receive form letter-esque or dismissive replies, such as in this case.  I tend to follow up again, like I did here.  But the difference with this situation is that a councillor took the time to take up this issue, follow it through, and follow up with me in person to let me know how seriously the issue was taken.  What a wonderful feeling to know that I've made a difference!




Just for fun...